I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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