This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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