she woke up with a sticky ear
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize