I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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