she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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