Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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