I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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