I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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