I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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