like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize