I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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