We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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