did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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