I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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