I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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