do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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