tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize