I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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