Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize