also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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