We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize