I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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