i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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