i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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