glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
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