well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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