i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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