so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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