You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is the high leading the old right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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