After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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