i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize