this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize