Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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