i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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