How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize