Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am available for nakedness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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