we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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