My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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