I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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