i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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