Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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