haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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