You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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