The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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