I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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