Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just had sex bonerless
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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