he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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