you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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