i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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