i don't plan on having that self control this summer
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize